I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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