first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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