yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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