opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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