i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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