I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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