On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize