I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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