I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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