We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize