Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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