I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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