Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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