your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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