he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my poor anus
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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