Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize