I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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