Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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