I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Less talking, more tequila
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
tell me about the eggs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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