rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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