don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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