Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize