Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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