he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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