I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize