remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize