i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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