Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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