shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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