you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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