he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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