i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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