i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Sober January is a disaster.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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