If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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