I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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