My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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