we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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