K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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