I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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