I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize