He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I love you. Go after that dick
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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