Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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