What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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