you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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