"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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