I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize