I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize