So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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