elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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