I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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